What others might think of you can be a hugely powerful brake on your own activities.

I was talking to a boy the other day about why he didn’t get stuck into tasks when they were set. It became apparent that he didn’t think he would be able to do them as well as he would like and he was afraid of what the others in his class would think. We teased this out and the ‘others in the class’ melted away. In fact it was just his perception. As much as I tried to point out that no-one does anything perfectly the first time they try something and everyone improves with practice he couldn’t see how that would shift his own perception.

I’ve come across this attitude quite a lot. I would be very easy for me to sit down with a client and ask them what they think of others who ‘raise their head above the parapet’ or have a go at something without being perfect. On the whole, the feeling is of encouragement, or warmth, or even envy that they can be so ‘brave’. But what we ‘allow’ others we refuse to allow ourselves. Why? What makes us special? More importantly is the threat of others’ approbation really that bad? There are those who almost go too far the other way and think so little of others’ opinions they press on regardless.
Right now, of course, we have the perfect role model: Donald Trump. Even though his many of his pronouncements are clearly such utter rubbish he brazenly peeps out from behind that perma-tan without apparently any self-consciousness. As much as he causes outrage he still seems to appeal to a large cross-section. He displays a level of emotional intelligence that seems to run into negative figures. Ironically his approach is mimicked in all walks of life.

I believe if you have any sort of emotional intelligence you sense others’ feelings and quite often that sense bypasses your conscious mind and affects your soul. A bit of a dichotomy is that those ‘who get on’ don’t worry about others – the less scrupulous inhabitants of Wall Street and The City of London for instance – yet none of us would want to be like them either. They’re probably no happier or secure with their mountains of ill-gotten gains.

So what’s the answer? Like everything in life it is about balance. Like the ballet dancer showing perfect poise and balance their is something mesmerising about someone who is in balance.

Embrace the fear of others’ opinions by congratulating yourself on recognizing their feelings.

Then look beyond the threat at the individuals you fear. They’re just like you. They too would love to have a go at what you’re doing but fear to go there. They’ll probably be choked up with feelings of encouragement, or warmth, or even envy that you can be so ‘brave’. Those who can’t identify the source of their discomfort may well express it in hostility and antagonistic comments. But if they can’t understand their own feelings are they really worth worrying about? They might even need helping. If that’s the case point them in the direction of a performance coach.

Give them the following addresses: Inflow Performance Website, Facebook, Facebook group.