Do you recognize sometimes that you could do with some help but you don’t know how to ask for it or indeed whether it’s your place to ask for it? Surely everyone else just gets on with life and if I need help then I must be somehow deficient. Guess what. Everyone thinks that. It takes incredible courage to ask for or indeed accept help which is a bit frustrating.

I have been lucky enough to spend some time with the Royal Marines. Some of the best soldiers they seem to be very self-assured. I think it’s because from day one they are taught to look after each other and accept help. Many other forces actively teach their soldiers to compete against each other. The result is that feelings and fears and some resentment are buried deep in the back of the mind where they fester. I remember stumbling around the the Marines’ local training area in Devon late at night. The roads are lined by steep banks. We were tired and carrying heavy kit. Crossing a road I stumbled out onto the tarmac and as I approached the opposite bank I found a welcome hand to help me up. I naturally turned and offered my hand to the next person. I remember being deeply moved when my help was accepted. It struck me that it took a lot of courage to accept such a simple offering. I have often thought of this, especially when i have offered help and it has been refused…often because the person I’m offering help to is too big or doesn’t want to put me out? What…and the Royal Marines are somehow weak?

I have tried my hand at lots of things and whatever I’ve done there has been someone better than me at it, or with just a different perspective. I regularly have to ring my brother-in-law about DIY issues. He now answers the phone with “What have you broken now”. DIY is obvious. So is trying to master some new skill. But what about what’s going on your head? We’re brought up to believe that we should be able to deal with whatever is worrying us. I’m a performance coach and can help other people sort out sorts of issues in their world but I’ve learned that I can’t sort myself out. I need someone else’s perspective so I can see what’s going on. I often now seek someone else’s viewpoint. It’s not a weakness; I like to think it’s a strength. I’m trying to find a way to do something and I need help.

Humans are programmed to help each other. We get all sorts of good chemicals flushing through the body when we do and it satisfies at least two Human Givens ‘needs’: a sense of purpose, giving attention. Allowing someone else to help you is a true gift. Next time you think you could do with a little help just ask. And accept it when it’s offered, even if you don’t think you need it.