I was speaking to a friend today and she said that she was fed up with being told to do stuff for New Year: lose weight, give up chocolate etc. She said if someone told her to do something she would probably go and do the opposite. I pointed out that anyone who told her she needed to go on a diet would quickly find themselves in a shallow grave deep in the woods!

It’s interesting. Most of us are predisposed to do the opposite of what we’re told. We have been since we were children. That’s why so many relationships are not as effective as they could be. How often do you hear people say of their partners or children: ‘I told him not to do that’, ‘I told her to do her homework earlier’? What works for us won’t necessarily work for anyone else and if that ‘advice’ is issued with a dollop of condescension it will inflame the inner chimp, which will go on the defensive.

Our greatest motivation comes from within. Deep down that motivation makes us feel guilty about how we could be a little more healthy, physically and mentally, live our lives a little more fruitfully and look after after ourselves better. New year has become the moment of choice because opening a new calendar seems a perfect time to make those changes, particularly if we’re feeling guilty about how we’ve rather ‘let ourselves go’ in the months leading up to the end of the year.

But is ‘starting a new calendar’ really the best reason for trying to make some big and long lasting changes in your life? Surely the reason to make some changes is because you have a goal you want to achieve? Starting with the end in mind is a far more effective way of setting out on a journey: not setting out because ‘here’ doesn’t feel quite right.

That’s where performance and life coaching comes in. If you’re feeling a little unhappy with something in your life there’s every chance you’ll try and change all the usual things that you can see. A performance or life coach can help you see a completely different perspective. He or she will probably start by helping you to identify where you’d like to get to by helping you identify goals that are congruent with your values and beliefs. Once you know where you’re going they’ll help you plot the route there and, armed with that route, ‘stay on the straight and narrow’ keeping the goal very much in mind.

We all need a helping hand every so often. I know I do.