Have you found Christmas day a bit of a let down? You spend weeks and sometimes months talking about it and then the day turns out to be a massive disappointment. Doesn’t that strike you as odd? It does me.

Well, it did me until I realized we were using Christmas day as a massive heuristic – an answer that seems to fit even though it’s the answer to a different question. So often I hear people looking forward to their retirement as a time when everything stops. As if life is mostly a journey to a destination and, when you reach that destination you can put your feet up. Lots of people talk about ‘relaxing with family’. Even that phrase is fraught with difficulty. The only way families work is if everyone works together. If they all settle back into some metaphorical armchair and expect everyone else to put up with their selfishly lazy behaviour then trouble is sure to follow. We all have to make an effort to be able to share moments.

It’s the same with entertainment. Plenty of people expect the TV to entertain them as if entertainment is a one-way process. It’s not. The more we put into something the more pleasure we derive particularly if we share the effort of ‘taking part’. Have a look at the blog I wrote on that particular subject.

Christmas day isn’t a destination; it’s a part of the journey. Think London Marathon. So much of the fun is in the build up to it. Those 30,000+ athletes have all trained individually, focusing on reaching the start line in the best possible condition, just like we prepare for Christmas day. When the gun goes, though, they don’t all sit down and think, “Right, it’s someone else’s turn.” They then focus on enjoying the day as much as they can. And, because of all the effort, they savour every moment even more. To be fair 26 miles is a pretty miserable experience but because so many other people are doing it and taking part, even as spectators, it becomes a life changing event.

I was lucky enough when I was a lad that, for a while, we didn’t do family Christmases. We stayed with friends. There would be a whole household of 3 or 4 families. Christmas eve was carols round the piano with neighbours and friends from the town, Christmas day was light breakfast, trot down to church, back up for presents, prepare dinner, light lunch, an hour’s hockey, another hour in the swimming pool then an evening playing silly games – Rumbles and Bunnies if you’ve ever heard of them – around the dinner table. Absolutely exhausted by Boxing day. But what fun. And I still remember them vividly.

Now think about all those presents we buy because ‘Christmas is about the kids’ (as it’s often said). Do you honestly remember any of the presents you received unless it was one special one?

No. A good Christmas is a memorable one. Often the build-up is so much more exciting than the day. Is that because we metaphorically sit down when we’ve reached the start line rather than seeing it as a little joyous moment on the journey of life.

A friend of mine has just reminded me that Dickens is credited with re-inventing Christmas. How many gifts were exchanged then? None. How many people expected someone else to entertain them? None. Yet the story still sets my heart ablaze every year from just the joy that Ebenezer Scrooge feels when he realizes he can make a difference to other people’s lives.

Think of that in the run-up. Savour each event, carol service, Christmas card, night of shopping…yes even the dark nights…as part of the experience. The training runs that make it all worthwhile. And when you get to the big day see how you can use it to ‘take part’ and share activity with others.