Martin Lewis, money making expert for the BBC talks very movingly about how he lost his mother when he was 12. He said he shut down during most of his teens and, in his early twenties, he was quite bolshie reasoning at one level or another that if he had put up with that he could probably put up with anything. He says it might have been the making of him. And then he wonders whether that was a price worth paying.

I made me think. A lot of people seem to have succeeded despite the hardship they’ve endured. Or maybe it’s the hardship that honed their approach. Has the hardship they’ve worked through presented them with a new challenge every day? Have they had to learn to learn?

When I was in basic training in the Royal Marines I found it hard work. I wasn’t really cut out for getting cold and wet and tired. I remember, though, how life became so much more ‘colourful’. On the odd occasion we were dismissed in time for ‘tea and stickies’ in the mess the tea was the best tasting tea I’d ever drunk. I made me realize that life is like a roller coaster. You have to have the downs to enjoy the ups; no-one would pay to go on a roller coaster that climbed to the tree tops and then trundled round at the same level.

That taught me to appreciate the ‘downs’ as a prelude to the ‘ups’. However, this coping strategy started to wane. As I was presented with new ‘downs’ I cheered myself up with the thought that it would soon get better…and then something else would happen to make it worse. I had to learn to adjust ‘on the hoof’.

At each stumble I had to adjust how I dealt with it. Nothing is ever the same. If you learn to adjust your coping mechanism and learn how to learn to adjust you can keep moving forward. If not you get stuck where you are. For most of us our parents are there somewhere in the background as a safety net or with the odd example of how they have coped. Martin Lewis didn’t have that after his mother’s death. His ‘learning to learn how to adjust’ would have been tenfold.

“But what of all those who succumb to their traumas? Lots of people have lost parents or suffered other tremendous loss and they haven’t all become successful.” I hear you say.

I believe at any one time a conservative estimate of 80% of the population will look for the safe option. They ‘choose’ not to accept the challenge. This is probably why so much was achieved in the second world war; we had no choice once committed. It’s also why a lot of skills that rely on inter-human relationships like psychotherapy and counselling, medical interventions that require ‘buy-in’ from the patient and teaching are quite slow to progress. You have two brains both with only a 20% chance of wanting to ‘learn’ and move forward. 20% of 20% is 4 %.

“What about those born into privilege: the ‘leaders’ of the country?”

Unless they go out of their way to look for situations that will challenge their strategies they will steadily slow down and fall behind. That could be why it feels like the UK and many of our much vaunted institutions are starting to fall behind, reinventing out of date concepts and indeed why the ‘factory setting’ is to look overseas for ‘talented’ and trained immigrants to fill our shortfalls. We as a nation appear to have forgotten how to learn.

As many of you will know from previous blogs I believe change starts at the core and radiates outwards. You can’t ‘buy in’ change and success. If you’d like to learn how to challenge yourself and how to learn from the experience drop me a line at the Inflow Performance Facebook page, the Breaking Free group page or the Inflow Performance website. It won’t be easy but it’ll be worth it.

Best regards,
Jace